"Hey! Over here you bully!" Yelled Awesome Possum to get Cool Cat's attention.
Cool Cat dove the plane right into Awesome Possum, but the eco-friendly mammalian jumped up and smashed the cockpit open, causing Cool Cat to fall out of the jet fighter which then proceed to crash into the Eiffel Tower.
"Yeah, that's right. Come out and fight me you scaredy cat." coaxed Awesome Possum.
Awesome Possum was barraged by a hailstorm of bullets from Cool Cat's AK-47. He ducked behind a wrecked car. The possum tried to think of a plan when a familiar face peeped out of the destroyed vehicle.
"What's with all the noise?" said an orange bobcat.
"Bubsy! Where have you been?"
"I escaped from Accolade and I pretty much roam the world for a new game to be in, even if it sucks." Bubsy said.
"Can you help me defeat this trigger happy kitty?" asked Awesome Possum.
"Sure! What could possibly go wrong?"
Bubsy jumped out of the nuked car and glided around awkwardly and attacked Cool Cat. Cool cat shot frantically at the bobcat. Bubsy did his best to dodge the bullet fire and was distracting him from Awesome Possum. Awesome then jumped up and kicked Cool Cat in the head, surprising him. Cool Cat fell to ground and was going to get up but Bubsy body slammed him into the irradiated ground. Cool Cat then took a Desert Eagle and shot fiercely at both of the other animals. Both of them escaped the paths of the bullet fire. Then Bubsy flew at Cool Cat and proceeded to RKO him. But then it happened; After the RKO, Cool Cat punched through Bubsy's body and tore his heart out. Bubsy fell to the ground, dead.
"You heartless bastard!" said Awesome Possum.
So he picked up a derelict muffler and slammed Cool Cat in the crotch. Then a large vehicle crashed through a nearby building, sending dirt and radioactive debris all around. Several figures walked out.
"I'm comin' for you nigga!" said man with a machine gun for a hand, and fired his hand.
Cool Cat was critically hit. The crew introduced themselves to Awesome Possum as Cool Cat began firing his AK-47 yet again. The guy with the spiky low polygon hair, Cloud, took his buster sword and attacked Cool Cat, but Cool Cat used his AK-47 to block . Slowly but surely, the AK-47 was split in two by the sword, so Cool Cat took out a bazooka and blasted at Tifa. Tifa got hit, but it was enough to do a Limit Break. So she kicked the living shit out of Cool Cat. But Cool Cat grabbed her by the leg and threw her at Awesome Possum. Barrett continued to fire at Cool Cat. Cool Cat was loaded with lead but he was still fighting at full strength. Then Cait Sith sat on top of Cool Cat. But Cool Cat somehow climbed into his ass and ripped him inside out.
"Shit, look what that asshole did!" said Barrett.
"I know." replied Awesome Possum.
But then Cool Cat brought out his M16 and fired at Aeris. Aeris was killed in a hail of bullets, so much that her head exploded! Cool Cat was picking off the AVALANCHE crew one by one at this point. Red 16 was impaled by a bayonet that on top of a M1 Garand that Cool Cat used as a spear. Barrett shot at Cool Cat, but to no avail. Soon it was Cloud's turn to do a limit break and attacked with an Omnislash. Slash marks ravaged Cool Cat's body, but he kept fighting. No progress had been made until Cloud sliced Cool Cat's left arm. Cool Cat only stopped to look at his removed appendage, but was then stomped on by Awesome Possum. Tifa roundhouse kicked Cool Cat's head and Cloud summoned Shiva. Cool Cat survived the ice and it actually helped to heal Cool Cat's wound. Cool Cat stuck out his M1 Garand and pointed out as Tifa went to bust his ass. Tifa had a American WWII rifle jut out of her back. She slowly began to die and casting Cure only delayed the inevitable. Barrett got in some pretty nasty headshots and even removed Cool Cat's right ear. Cloud, Barret, and Awesome Possum only remain. Cloud cast Bolt II, frying Cool Cat's fur. Barrett punch the back of Cool Cat's spine. A loud crack reverberated throughout the blasted ruins of Paris. But Cool Cat fought at full capacity.
"How can these nigga be that strong?" asked Barrett.
"It because he is fueled by the emotional bond with his master, Derek Savage!" explained Awesome Possum.
"I think I have an idea." said Barrett.
Barrett jumped out behind Cool Cat's back and shot him in the head. It only seem to stun him temporarily, but just enough time to knock Cool Cat down so Cloud could Cross-Slash him. Cool Cat has absorbed so much damage for past five and three-quarters of an hour, that he slowly began to lose the will to fight. Cool Cat tried to shoot the M1 Garand but the firearm was clogged with the innards of Tifa. Cool Cat caught Barrett off guard and shoved rocks into his hand gun (literally a gun for a hand) and upon firing it, caused Barrett to blast his arm completely off. Barrett tried to splash water onto the hole where his arm once was, but radiation poisoning got the better of him. Cloud used whatever materia he had on him, to no avail. Cool Cat kicked Cloud in the crotch and pretty much neutered him, ironic considering that Cool Cat is well, a cat! Cloud tried to attack but the pain was much and a summon materia rolled toward Cool Cat and he used it. Ifrit was summoned and both burned Cool Cat and Cloud. This only left Awesome Possum and Awesome Possum.
"Its only me and you buddy." said Awesome Possum.
Awesome Possum and Cool Cat punch right in the fist. Cool Cat's fist disintegrated. Now Cool Cat was injured enough that he was losing the battle. The 1v1 lasted until the next morning. Cool Cat survived the 28 hours of being beaten up, but the damage completely severed the emotional link between Derek Savage and Cool Cat, Cool Cat for the first time in forever, could operate to himself. But then Cool Cat stood there, doing nothing, he survived being electrocuted, burned, shot, and slashed with a giant ass sword.
"Time to avenge the environment BITCH!" said Awesome Possum to himself.
So Awesome Possum ran up to Cool Cat and kicked his butt. So hard in fact that Cool Cat flew onto the Eiffel Tower getting his asshole impaled by the melted top point and then fell off and landed onto his wrecked jet fighter and it fell to ground and exploded in a fiery heap of aluminium and shrapnel. Awesome Possum's job was done.
*+===================================================================+*
"What you mean I'm under arrest, you can arrest me over my movie! NOOOOOO!!!!!" screamed Derek Savage as he was thrown in a SWAT van and was driven off.
Cool Cat's body was found mangled and torched in the fallout ruin of France. As the remaining citizens began to rebuild their nuked nation. Derek was convicted on the charges of mass terrorism caused by him sending Cool Cat to silence those who even remotely mention his film. Cool Cat's body was put on display at the Smithsonian Museum as a trophy of the war on terror and why the internet shouldn't be censored.
As for Awesome Possum. He helped clean up the radiation out of France and helped rebuild it, He found work as a video game character again as a gift from Ubisoft for fixing their home country. A statue of him exists in New Paris, as a testament for environmental protection and the war for reviewer freedom, especially on the internet, proving that you hadn't need be Jim fucking Sterling to make a point about the world of the internet.
THE END
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