Pokémon Twilight
One fateful afternoon around at the beginning of 2012, I found an old Gameboy color cartridge. It looked like a Pokémon cartridge that had seen better days. I bought for five bucks! It was so bloody cheap. As I came home from Game Underground, I shoved that baby into my Gameboy Advance.
After the logo, the intro was different. Instead of the normal Gold/Silver intro, I saw what looked like Billy Mays and Vince (For reals in this game!) fighting like the intro to the first generation Pokémon games, as the two pitchmen fought, the screen rose above them and it shows Rainbow Dash rocketing through the sky past Ho-Oh. I thought this was some stupid hack. It reminded me of the Strangled Red story where the hack was an entirely game.
Then the title screen popped up, it was like Red/Blue with the scrolling of various Pokémon. The Pokémon that scrolled was: Rainbow Dash (Known in game as Dashie), Vince, Pikachu, Twilight Sparkle (Known in game as Twilight), Lugia, Charizard, and finally Squrtle.
I started a New Game (There is no saved game) and named my Character and Rival (The character looked just like Ness and the Rival looked just like Pokey!) their sprites made me think that this hack was done by a Brony and a Mother fan.
It started in Onett, which was weird. Instead of Professor Elm, It was Professor Reltih who had a thick German accent.
If it wasn’t weird enough, the towns where (In order of entrance) : Onett, Ponyvile, Viridian City, Fourside, Lavender Town, Berlin, Summers, Goldenrod City, Castella City, Fuchsia City, and Canterlot.
There where the three starters Bulbasuar, Mudkip, and Cynaquil. I chose Bulbasuar. My rival (Dicks) chose Mudkip as always. We fought the normal first rival battle (You know Tackle, Growl, and Tail Whip). I won the battle with my rival all pissed off.
I was given five Pokeballs from his aide and went to Ponyvile and got and Delivered Reltih’s parcel. I later caught a level 4 Pinkie and a level 5 Pigdey.
Everything went awesome! Turns out there are two new Pokémon types Magic and Chaos. Everyone was at least at Level 25 by the time we reached Lavender Town, that’s when the weird shit hits the fan.
In Lavender Town, everyone talked of two legendary Pokémon Celestia and Discord. Rather than the Pokémon Tower was inaccessible with a message that said “Candle, axe, and rope.”
I left with no problem whatsoever. What got weirder was that at level 50 Pinkie evolved into Pinkamena. Twilight never evolved though, but was powerful enough. I managed to catch Celestia and Discord.
At Canterlot there was a person at a developer’s office who said this: “Are you confused? Go to www.PkMnTwilight.com for a walkthrough!”
I followed the link and it said the game had two endings, the normal one being done by defeating the final rival. The Unown ending is done by defeating the rival with a fainted Discord, a level 74 Celestia to evolve after the battle, A Twilight, and a Pinkamena as well as your starter Pokémon.
I finished the game with the normal ending and seeing the hall of fame. I then deleted the save after the credits (After completing the Pokedex, turns out the first three generations of Pokémon plus the new Fakemon are all in this game) wondering what this Unown ending was.
I defeated Pokey in this new game with the necessary requirements. After the hall of fame and credits, instead of restarting the game said “Three long years later…”
I was in Pokémon tower! I was amazed at this however. The correct music is playing. The gravestone said “Discord, lord of chaos, died at the elements of harmony and in mid battle with PkMn trainer Ness.”
I was sad that a MLP character like Discord cloud die in a Pokémon Battle. I Left the tower and went home. Rather than the people paying condolences by giving the protagonist Lemonade or Fresh water, the wild Pokémon always ran away from me.
I had a Level 80 Venusuar, Level 75 Molestia, Level 81 Twilight, Level 77 Pinkamena, Level 79 Pigdeot, and a level 78 Arcaine. I went to my bed in my home. A Message appeared “Ness obtained Axe. Ness Obtained Candle. Ness Obtained Escape Rope.”
I questioned the items when the screen cut to black. But I’m put into a dream world. In my team I had Twilight, Celestia, Pinkie, Dashie, and GHOST. The lavender Town ghost was just the same from Creepy Black.
The dream tower it was called reminded me of Lost Sliver. As I went up the tower, a message appeared. “CELESTIA: Don’t worry my dear student everything will be okay when we escape our metal balls, Twilight.”
It was strange that Celestia even spoke. At the end of the tower several trainers were there. They were GOLD, SLIVER, RED, BLUE, and then I fought Professor Reltih. “I’m not really a professor to even begin with, nor is my name Reltih.” The message said.
The battle began; the battle message said “ADOLF HITLER WANTED TO FIGHT!”
Adolf Hitler was in a bloody hacked son of a thousand creepypastas Pokémon game?! I was checked out by this. I defeated him; he stole and used my escape rope. The fuhrer committed suicide right on the spot.
Afterward, my Pokémon Began to Speak, “Let the Elements of Harmony UNITE!”
The battle began with the Intro to ‘Friendship is Magic’ played as the battle music, but it had a Lavender Town feel to it though. The message said “Wild Elements of Harmony seeks revenged!”
The battle Sprites in between every move changed, I could recognize them as: Applejack, Twilight, Fluttershy, Pinkie, and Rarity. There moves are Friendship, CURSE, Harmony, sing, and Cupcakes. I did not know they had 5 moves, because Pokémon can only learn 4 moves at a time.
Every time the move ‘Sing’ was done, the song slowly began to switch to the Lavender Town theme, and then it was ‘Friendship is Magic’. The battle ended with me losing. The screen cut to black, a message popped up “CELESTIA: I’m the head of Team Plasma, really. My student and her friends were subjected to this ghastly Pokémon fighting. I’m the driving force of Black and White. I’m in their leader’s mind. Twilight is also in this, under a false name, N.”
I began to understand what’s going on, the ponies, the fake Pokémon, the mixed towns, everything! The region looked just like unova. I used the candle and the building caught fire. I then used axe on Celestia. Celestia Evolved into Molestia.
Now that’s what I call a bat shit crazy event. Ness woke up and the game ended with the house collapsing on up on my character. The end looked the end of Mother 3. Everything died and blew up in fires, Earthquakes, even a terrorist attack on the Pokémon tower with planes crashing into it!
The screen cut to black with a message saying: “MOM: Wake up RED you just had a nightmare, besides today is the day you meet Professor Oak to get your first Pokémon!”
The restarted with my last save deleted automatically. This was all RED’s dream, he was a secret Brony. He played Earthbound on his SNES. He had a bad dream, the poor kid. I was subjected to this stuff! From point A to Point B, and plus, in the process seeing both endings.
That’s why hacked Pokémon games always have something scary or creepy in them. I sent James Rolfe this same cartridge to see if can take a crap or something on it, I never got the chance to take screenshots or video because I’m either too lazy, the Flip is out of battery, or that I don’t have the equipment.
I also have never watched a single ‘Friendship is Magic’ episode ever again. Also, never gave a big shit over Bronyism on internet over the next few months. At school, I have become paranoid, because that stupid bloody game, which is now worth Bollocks.
Written by:
Frank Topham
5/4/12